I guess i'm kind of obsessed with putting a title on everything I do or anything I am. I like definitive lines, black and white. So I'm kind of wondering, since I've only run twice in a week and half, am I really a runner? The two occasions I ran were for races. I haven't done anything in between. Is that what a runner does? Doesn't a runner run just "because"?
I don't know the answer to this. I guess I just like to run to prove something to myself. I train for a certain race or a particular distance to prove to myself that I can do it. Proving something to yourself is FAR more difficult than proving it to someone else. You can fudge numbers, times, distances, how many times you stopped to walk, how many times you actually ran that week, etc...to anyone who will listen. Trying fudging that stuff to yourself. You're the only person who's going to suffer from lying to yourself. Oh, and the weight of lying to yourself is heavy.
I'm kind of off track here. A quick recap of the two occasions I actually DID run:
May 14th: Fifth Third River Bank Run! My first 10k! 6.2 miles. I've been training for it for MONTHS. I expected rain since it's rained the past 4 or so years. I was OK with that. I would rather run in rain than heat or humidity any day. The 5k racers got the brunt of the rain and it down to drizzle when my race started. I jokingly said to my family prior to leaving the house "if my Garmin doesn't work, I'm not running!". Famous last words, right there. I'm not 100% sure how to use all the functions of my Garmin. I can turn it on (sometimes) and then usually ask Keith to get it set for me. Keith was prepping for his race with his team while I was lining up for my race. I was on my own that day. I had the Garmin set. And then I waited for the gunshot so I could hit "start timer". I waited. And I waited. I waited so long that my Garmin went into a sleep mode of some sort. I couldn't get it back to where I needed it to be and TOTAL ANXIETY took over me! I couldn't run 6.2 miles not knowing how fast I was going or how far I had already run or how much further I had to go! I frantically hit every button several times on this little piece of machinery and got nowhere. The shot went off and everyone started moving. I began walking, head to my wrist determined to get my watch working. I WALKED over the START line , passed my parents who were waiting on the sides and in sheer panic attack mode cried"I can't get it to work!". I had no choice. I was going to have to run this thing alone; without the help and guidance of my friend Garmin. I was a half mile into the race and was still fidgeting with it when all of a sudden it was on the screen I was familiar with. PHEW! Crisis semi-averted.
Second rookie error: I didn't know what the course looked like. I never thought it would matter what the course looked like so I didn't bother checking it out. 6.2 miles is 6.2 miles; it doesn't matter what the scenery is like, right? Pretty much wrong. While it's nice following a group of people and just enjoying your time out on the pavement, it's a good idea to know what's around the next corner (mainly when you have a time in mind that you're shooting for). I didn't realize I'd made a mistake in not checking out the course until I started hitting some hills around mile 4. Had I known those babies were there I could have planned ahead and saved some juice so I could hustle up what seemed like a mountain. Instead, I saw it and said "shiiiit". I shuffled to the top and let myself take a walk break for the first time. PERSONAL RECORD SET BY THE WAY! I ran FOUR MILES without stopping. I didn't have much time to relish in the fact that I had accomplished a feat; I still had 2.2 miles ahead of me! A few more hills later I saw the beautiful sign that read Mile 6. Only .2 miles to go! The FINISH LINE should be in sight! Where the hell was the finish line?! I swear to you with every step I took it looked like that line was moving backwards and further from me! I mustered EVERYTHING I had in me to cross that line. I didn't want to leave anything out there. No regrets. I glanced at my watch and was now pacing at a 9 minute mile (have never run that fast before!). I hauled across the finish line and couldn't wait to see if I had hit my goal of 72 minutes. I later found out that my official time was 73 minutes, seconds. So close. But now I know I CAN do it.
May 21st: RAT Race 5k in Mt. Pleasant: The 10k kicked my butt and wore out every muscle I had so I didn't run at all during the week. My crazy mind was thinking "it's just a 5k. this will be like a training run". My confidence and ego were quickly shot down once my feet started moving on the trail. Luckily I was running with a friend during this race and she's got some pretty quick feet, so I stuck with her the entire time. I've never run with anyone before so I've never had to be accountable to anyone but myself. I tried conversing a little with her and realized my breathing wasn't right so I had to shut up (I think she was OK with that, anyway!). I kept glancing at my lil friend Garmin and it said we were pacing about a 10:30 mile (awesome for me!). I felt like I could hold that pace for the duration! Then the heat and humidity of the day started kicking in. I quickly felt like I had cement blocks on my feet. I told Shelly that I was going to have to take a breather at the turnaround just so I could have a decent finish. Had I kept going without stopping I know my pace would have suffered more and my time would have been terrible. Plus, running with a friend, I didn't want to screw up her first 5k either! We walked only a few seconds then kicked it back into gear. We were now halfway through this pretty difficult course! Eyes on the prize; just keep looking for the finish line. The heat had me exhausted. Never had I wanted to quit a 5k as badly as I did 1/2 mile from the Finish Line. If Shelly weren't by my side kicking ass, I probably would have walked quite a bit more. Thanks to Shelly, I set a PR that day. My previous 5k was a 38:30. This time around was a 33:43. I beat my last 5k by almost 5 whole minutes! I couldn't be happier! The hell was worth it! Who knew?! SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO KEITH!! He placed 2nd in his age group and got a ribbon and came in 14th OVERALL! He also set a PR for himself!
My dad ran both of the above races with us and had times around 30 minutes for both. That man can haul cookies!
Now that I've proven to myself that I can run 6.2 miles I need to prove something more to myself. I need to know that I can run the Bridge Run in Grand Rapids in August. Thats only 10 miles. I need to know that I can run a half marathon in October. That's only 13.1 miles. After that I want to prove that I can run a 25k next May. That's only 15.5 miles. Someday I'd like to prove to myself that I can run a marathon. That's only 26.2 miles. Then I want to dabble in triathlons. My goal is to keep setting goals. I don't want to be complacent. I want to keep pushing myself and striving for something more. If and when I run another 10k it's only going to be for the adrenaline rush to beat my last time. And that is what I'll do forever. I will continue to kick my butt and never settle for just crossing the finish line. I've got to cross that line with the purpose of doing better than before.
**Important disclosure: These blogs are NOT meant for bragging or horn-tooting. Although, I am allowed to do that :) These blogs are for letting people out there know that if you want to make changes in your life, you can. I LOATHED, DESPISED, HATED running with all of my being 6 months ago. You're the only person who can make your feet move. If you want it, you've gotta get it.
