i haven't given up COMPLETELY on exercising or running. i've started walking every sunday with my friend taryn. we do 3 miles through a nearby park early on sunday morning so we can get it out of the way and continue on with our day feeling great about the accomplishment. sometimes that's the only accomplishment i have all week so i bask in it for a while. there were times when i would run a few times throughout the week as well because i was just enjoying my time doing it. i bought keith a garmin of his own so i could bedazzle mine with pink jewels which of course, make me want to use it more. that worked for a little while. then the weather started colder and i started my yearly hibernation schedule. if it's dark at 5pm then i want to be in my jammies by 5:05pm. i'm ready for dinner and bed by 630 every night. this is making it terribly difficult to work off the extra poundage i accumulated way too easily.
i do believe that in the time it's been since i've last written i've joined and quit weight watchers again. this time around i wasn't really feeling it so the success wasn't there which then caused me to feel down about everything else and it's been an ugly spiral. i half-assed counted my points and expected the same awesome outcome i had when i joined the first time in january.
fast forward to now. december. the end of the year. almost time for a new resolution. the usual " i'm going to lose 15 pounds...blah blah blah". i could make that my resolution. i could. anyone can. is it going to be a resolution or a full-on lifestyle change? i have all the support a person could ever need to make it a lifestyle change. what's holding me back? i think i'm scared of actually reaching the goal of being thin. what if i get there and i'm still not happy with myself? if i reach that goal what else will i have to strive for? i'm the type of person who lives by setting goals and accomplishments. i don't like living my life just going through motions. i like to know everything is there for a reason and everything i do is for a purpose to better myself. if i reach this lifelong goal then what will i have to strive for? i'm kind of toying with myself and i have been for about 10 years.
so now what? well, i'm planning on going to the gym tonight. i LOATHE the treadmill but don't have enough cold weather gear to brave running outside. i just told keith at lunch today i don't know why i bother going to the gym when i only make it there once every 3 weeks. that's hardly enough to make any sort of improvement in my health or quality of life. his response? "then go more often". duh. it's that easy.
i want to be a gym rat but i'm not quite sure i'm cut out for that just yet. i can always think of 100 other things i'd rather be doing than the stepper or the elliptical or wondering if i'm even using the arm curl-up thing machine right. i wonder too often if everyone is staring at me thinking "why would she wear THAT to the gym?" "has she ever even been to a gym before?" "she should just through in the towel!". i'm always wondering if someone can see the wedgie i feel like i have when i'm on those machines. these crazy thoughts make me nuts for the entire 30-60 minutes i'm at the gym and make me want to run out of there kicking and screaming and swearing i'll never go back.
anyway, instead of stressing about a resolution to lose weight this year, i'm just going to make a goal of getting my fat A to the gym at least twice a week. i'm going to limit the amount of crazy talk that goes on in my head and maybe just listen to music or do something normal like that. that's an OK start for me. (err, restart. again.)
