losing it

I'm a Couch to 5k quitter but in just three weeks the program did what I wanted it to do. It eased me back into running so I could find the joy in it again and not look at it as a chore. The program helped me find a little joy in running but there was something else that motivated me to start moving again...

A few weeks ago someone close to me had a heart attack and needed a triple bypass. This was surprising for everyone because he's always been in great health. He's run marathons, triathlons, and Iron Man events. He doesn't drink or smoke and eats pretty well. The doctors told him that because of his overall healthy lifestyle he was in a good position for the surgery and would likely have a better recovery.

This got me thinking about my health and the what-if's. I have high cholesterol thanks to genetics. Knowing heart attacks are in fact real and can hit anyone I had an A-Ha! moment. That's when and why I started the Couch to 5k: to get my health in check. Now when I run I don't think "Oh my God, this sucks. I want to be done before I even started." Instead, it's more of a "This is an investment in my future. I'm running for the health of it. Many people can't run and wish they could so I should enjoy this instead of bitching."

Around the same time I picked up running again (for the umpteenth time) I heard my favorite morning radio show discussing the top 12 foods that are banned in other countries but commonplace in the U.S. Again, an A-Ha! moment. I did a little research on the ingredients they talked about and found out a majority of what I'm putting in my body AND my kids' developing bodies are actually chemicals also used to make tar and prevent carpets from catching fire.

Yeah. I was instantly scared stupid.

Keith started rummaging through our cupboards spelling out ingredients we couldn't pronounce so I could Google what we were really eating. Then and there we decided we were no longer going to consume these chemicals. The energy drink I had sitting on my counter went down the drain when I read that citrus flavored drinks contain brominated vegetable oil which is banned in over 100 countries and has been linked to nearly every form of thyroid disease known to man, including cancer (credit to fark.com: Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2345564/Shocking-list-US-foods-BANNED-countries-containing-dangerous-chemicals.html#ixzz2ZpbiUEmn )

I was drinking a chemical that causes cancer purely out of habit. Not anymore.

So how does that tie into my running? Since I gave up the processed foods and stopped drinking everything but water my energy level has increased ten-fold. I actually wake up in the morning feeling energized and ready to go. I have the energy after work to play with the kids whereas before I was drinking a Rip-It at 4pm to muddle through our nightly routine. The best part? The back and forth on the scale has finally started going in the right direction.

I'm beyond amazed at how quickly my body reacted to these changes. I put good in, I get good out. I have energy to get up and move and it turns out our scale isn't broken afterall. This morning I retired a pair of capris because they were just too big  <---- that is the best feeling EVER.

So really this blog should be called "Emily vs Running and Weight-loss". It's a struggle I've had my entire life but I've been so accustomed to being overweight I've been scared to know what would happen if I hit my goal. Almost like I was so used to hating my body that I wouldn't know what to worry about if I shed the weight. Something happened a few weeks ago and a light went off in my head. Everything clicked at once: health, diet, exercise and (sigh) age.

It's time to be proactive instead of reactive.

Couch to 5k

I did my second run this evening in the "Couch to 5k" program. The first run was...umm...two weeks ago. I'm pretty certain in order for this to work the runs should be less than 14 days apart. Nevertheless, I ran tonight.

I know there are some people that head out for a nice long run to "clear their minds" but I can tell you I'm not one of them. I can't think about anything besides running and what I must look like hoofing it down the street with a wedgie and hoping my belly isn't noticeably jiggling. So, for 30 minutes I feel as vulnerable and self-conscious as one can possibly feel which is probably why I put so much space between these runs. It takes a lot for me to even consider getting into running clothes and strapping on the annoying sports bra and hoping my hair is presentable so the neighbors don't think I'm as grungy as I feel. I have a drawer full of running shirts but have opted for over-sized cotton t-shirts lately (terrible choice for running in humidity, by the way. Talk about a moisture trap.) only because they don't cling to my body, so I can let loose of a minor part of my self-consciousness.

Maybe someone is thinking "why is she doing Couch to 5k when she's run further than that before?". I wanted something to make me LIKE running. I thought (two weeks ago) maybe if I have an "easy" training schedule I'll ease into it and start to enjoy it. The Ct5k is a mix of walking and running and the app tells you when to start and stop both activities. It's pretty sweet but I have to get out the door first.

I'll plan on doing the third run in the program tomorrow but I'll more than likely find six or seven excuses as to why I just can't do it and I'll set my alarm for early Monday and hit snooze until 7am and thus lose 75 minutes of sleep unnecessarily. It's a vicious cycle that I could stop if I'd just DO IT but it's clearly not that easy!

Mackinac Memorial Bridge Run

This is the first race I've run since October 2012 when I shotgunned a half-marathon. Prior to that it was a 5k walk in the Fifth Third River Bank Run in May 2012.

I run but I'm not a runner.

I can say that with confidence because the only time I find satisfaction or enjoyment in running is when I have a "Start" and "Finish" line involved.
This race had me a little worried; not because I doubted I could finish it, but because there was a stipulation of keeping a 12-minute mile for five miles.

The cool and dry weather was perfect for running; I had no complaints as I was starting the race. I glanced at my Garmin and saw I was at a 10:30 pace. Sweet! I can do this!

Then I started along the incline of the bridge which I hadn't taken into consideration when Keith and I discussed doing this event two days ago. You never think a small incline spread over two miles would feel like much to tackle but let me tell you it's a straight burn in the quads for the entire two miles. As I glanced at my Garmin again about .3 miles into the run I was at 11:06. Then 11:15. Then 11:40. Then 12:10. Then 12:37. Then 13:00 and 13:25.

I was chugging along at a ridiculous 13:25 pace when I had set my goal at 12:00 to 12:30. I was waiting for the pace police to come along and kick my ass or hand me a red card and escort me off the bridge.Not even a mile into this thing and I was failing.

Luckily no one was around to check my pace and there were plenty of people behind me as this was a wave start; people in front and people in the back. I was quickly falling to the back of the back.

I kept looking off to the sides of the bridge and hearing Keith's last words "just enjoy it", which he said as I sent him ahead at the onset of the race so he could enjoy his comfortable 8-8:30 pace.

I took in all the sights around me so I could calm my anxieties of sucking and finishing dead last. I stared out at the water that didn't seem to have an end and took note of the gigantic bridge I was crawling across and listened to the cars and trucks whizzing by and watched the expansion grates slip under my feet as I shuffled across. The fresh air in my face with the sunrise over my left shoulder wasn't too bad, either.  The "F it" side of me was indeed enjoying the experience. The "you have got to be excellent at everything you do" side of me was not allowing me to suck at this event. When I realized that I was getting fatigued at 1.8 miles in and was running way behind what I had set as a goal I wanted to quit. I wanted to stop the whole thing and just ask someone to drive me to the free breakfast held at the Finish line. I argued with myself mentally for a short while and allowed myself to walk a bit. Try again. Take another breath. Soak up the fresh air and keep going. Who cares? You're moving. You're burning calories just by moving (which is great because you're going to eat your weight in fudge later today). I have to talk to myself and weigh out the pros and cons of continuing when it hurts versus quitting because it would feel better.

The Pros to Running:
-Lose weight
-Have more energy to play with the kids
-Set a good example for the kids to follow
-Have a runner's high throughout the day
-Look good in summer attire
-Feel better about myself

The Cons to Running:
-I don't want to run

So, with that mental list going through my head I had no reason to stop. My legs were still moving and I was feeling less defeated. The center of the bridge, which I was so eagerly looking forward to so the pain of the incline would subside, was nearing. I kept a close eye on my Garmin for the entire race and as soon as that downhill kicked in my time started improving. At 3.5 miles my legs finally warmed up and it didn't feel like I was hauling dead weight anymore. Slowly my pace went back into the 13:00's, 12:50's and then 12:40's which is where I lingered until the end of the bridge. I had about a quarter mile to go when Keith joined me on the course. He'd already finished and made his way back to run me in <3

I don't like the thought of being the slow, chubby wife to the lean and swift runner. I don't like partaking in a hobby he excels in when I know I'll always pale in comparison. I shouldn't compare or compete but I can't help it; everything is a competition to me. I love it when he joins me at the end of events, though. He tells me what to expect just before the Finish line and his presence gives me the confidence I need to pick up my pace. The last time I looked at my Garmin it read 10:37 for my lap pace and I finished with a 12:38 pace overall.

12:38 is nothing to be proud of but I had a goal of 12:00-12:30 for this event so I was OK with it. I didn't train. I haven't run in eight months. In fact, when I broke down the numbers I was at the same pace I ran the 10k in two years ago which I actually trained for. I'll never understand how my legs work. Train or don't train and get the same outcome. Gah.


I'm still weighing the Pros and Cons as I lay down tonight and I'm thinking of running on a regular basis only to set a good example for my kids (and to look good in my summer attire...)