new outlook

I've been trucking along with my running. I still have terrible form and I still run really slow. I'm not surprised by this and I'm not mad. This alone has shown me some sort of growth in me as a person, or as a runner (I'm still not sure what "runner" means...). Throughout my life, for as long as I can remember, if I was unable to master something at my first try and be the best at it, I didn't want to do it anymore. I would move on to the next thing and try again. This cycle continues to this day. I've always thought it was a "perfection" issue, and maybe it is. But for some reason I feel like I have to be great at everything I do and I need everyone to look up to me and see how great I am. While this is a great attitude to strive for, it has surely set me up for failure hundreds of times. For instance, I have not been able to master anything to this day. I am still looking for a hobby that I enjoy doing that I actually have a talent for. Since I've quit everything I've ever done in my life because I didn't learn it instantly I haven't been able to develop any real talent.

Enter running. As I stated before I'm slow and I have poor form. I don't know what good form looks like exactly but I know when I catch a glimpse of myself in a storefront window the reflection doesn't look like the people in all those running magazines. Yet, I'm still out there doing it? That isn't like me.

I haven't won any races and I honestly don't see that in my future. But I'm still signing up for them? That isn't like me. If I don't stand a chance at winning why do I do it? I'm still learning that part...

A few things I've discovered after sticking to running:
1) I actually feel "accomplished" when I've gotten 2 miles in before I even brush my teeth. The rest of the day is ahead of me to do whatever I want and I don't have a workout looming over my head.
2) I have more energy AFTER I run. This has always been something I couldn't wrap my head around prior to running consistently. How on God's green Earth does anyone possibly have MORE ENERGY after running? I still don't know, but it's true. And this is coming from someone who sometimes drinks 2 energy drinks a day and 64 ounces of fountain pop.
3) I haven't lost any actual weight in a few weeks but my clothes are DEFINITELY fitting differently. The other day I was trying to get dressed for work but all my black work pants were baggy in the butt. NEVER in my life have I been so discouraged by my body changing in good ways! It was an awesome feeling to be struggling with finding pants small enough in my closet to get to work, but also hell trying to pull an outfit together knowing I have saggy butt pants.

Basically, this is where I'm at with running: There are days when I can't wait to hit the pavement and this is only because of the all the new toys I've accumulated to help me do it. There are days when Keith literally has to put two feet to my back and kick me out of bed. (He's a brave soul for taking me on in the morning). Please check out his blog so you can see where I draw my inspiration. Whichever way I get out of bed I know that when I'm done running I'm going to feel better about myself.

And let me end on this note: Don't ever let anyone tell you that running is a free/cheap sport or hobby. IT IS NOT. Running shoes that are comfortable are expensive. You, apparently, cannot run in them until they fall apart. You are supposed to re-invest in another pair of expensive running shoes every 300-400 miles you log in them. Then the proper running attire. Moisture-wicking socks, moisture-wicking tights, pants, shorts, gloves, hats, neck warmers, wind-resistant jackets, tank tops, sports bras, special water bottles, GPS devices, nutritional replenishment/carbs/electrolyte goo's & gums & gummy treats, etc...Inexpensive no. Worth it? yes.