Day 5
2-14-14
159.6
I couldn't get myself out of bed yesterday. I had succumbed to the idea that I was going to skip the gym and not feel bad about it. Keith kept jabbing, poking, prodding and telling me I was going to regret not going but I'll never regret going. I finally got up and when I looked in the mirror my stomach sank and my heart started racing. My hair was a mess and it's too short to pull into a ponytail. I couldn't find my pink hat and my Bondi Band is missing. I stepped on the scale and saw ANOTHER gain. My anxiety went through the roof and I went back to bed telling Keith not to push it anymore; I just couldn't do it. When I awoke to get dressed I didn't feel any guilt. I was at peace with breaking my "30 days at the Gym" quest. My anxiety subsided and I didn't even need to take my usual morning Xanax to get out the door.
I took my gym clothes with me to work not fully knowing what my plan was. After my noon showing of a townhouse (which is across the street from my gym) I decided to take my lunch and head over there for 30 minutes to just get some time in on the treadmill. If I logged a few minutes then it counts toward my quest. I changed out of my boots into my running shoes while wearing my leggings and dress, plugged in my headphones and walked for 25 minutes. I felt good about it and actually wanted to push myself a little more but I had more showings in the after noon and had to get back to the office. Also, I would have no way to de-stink myself if I got too sweaty so I had to take it easy.
I don't have a "post-workout" picture because I was fully covered.
Breakfast:
Smoothie courtesy of Keith
2 peanut butter eggs
Snack
5 pieces of Russell Stover chocolates
Sugary candy hearts
Lunch
Salad- spinach, head lettuce, tomato, carrots, salad toppin's, 15 calorie Italian dressing
Snack
5 dove chocolates
Dinner
4 pieces of Jets pizza
3-4 bread sticks
Snack
Cadbury egg
2 glasses of wine
So food was clearly out the window today but I allowed myself a cheat day especially since it's a holiday and candy was everyone I turned.
Day 6
2-15-14
157.5
Today is Saturday which means I didn't set my alarm which also means that I didn't go to the gym first thing. As Lennon was climbing all over me begging me to wake up I realized that I have no energy or desire to get up and be active. I could hear Keith on the treadmill already at 730am and I vaguely remember his alarm going off earlier so he could get his 10-miler in. I went upstairs with Lennon and got my cran-energy drink (all natural; caffeine from green tea) hoping it would instill some oomph in me. The only thing it did was make me want to clean. After Keith finished his run and showered he came upstairs and had the look in his eye wondering when I was going to the gym and my response was "I'm not sure I'm going to. I'm kind of over it." That statement is true. I've been anxious all morning thinking "should I go to the gym? Should I skip it and try again tomorrow? I need to update my blog, I need to get the Valentine's project started AND finished. I want to go shopping. Oh, and I just don't feel like going to the gym". I had fun eating pizza last night and shoving whatever chocolate amazingness I could reach into my face and not caring about it. In fact, I don't see why I should be busting my ass at the gym when A) I haven't seen my weight go down AT ALL and B) I haven't felt my pants getting looser at all. Yes, I feel better afterward and it's not so terrible while I'm there but I'm not doing this just to get the feel-goods. I want to look good and I want to lose some damn weight and the "feel-goods" should just be a side-effect. I don't have the patience for this to take forever. If I don't start seeing results I don't see a reason to continue.
With that being said I'm not convinced I want to go to the gym today but I have the guilty feeling lingering inside that says I should keep going to finish the stupid 30-day challenge. I'd rather go shopping since I have crazy-awesome coupons to use (for shoes) and we need groceries something fierce.
Breakfast:
Wanted pop-tarts or a heaping bowl of cereal. Chose 2 slices of 98%FF wheat toast with organic butter and apple butter and a banana
Snack
Peppermint patties and Dove chocolates (I have such a weakness for chocolate)
Banana
3pm lunch/snack
Shredded Wheat
a few more chocolates
Dinner (930pm...not too hungry)
4 Morningstar Chicken Nuggets
handful of sweet potato chips
UPDATE: I officially want to quit this bullshit. I've been so pissed, irritable, and anxious all day just thinking about how much time and hope I've put into this past week with ZERO results. The moment that sealed the deal for me was around 5pm when I attempted to put jeans on to run to the store with Isla. Pairs number 1, 2 and 3 didn't fit. I had to wear number 3 and threw on a hooded sweatshirt to cover the ol' muffin top. Isla and I went to Goodwill so I could look for a pair of jeans that wouldn't make me feel like shit until the weight comes off. Sorry to say, the single pair I found did not fit. Not even close. Now I'm even more pissed. This whole process can kiss my ass. I want to scream and I want to pout. I don't want to hear anyone tell me "it takes time". I don't want to work my ass off and receive nothing for it. It leaves me no motivation to continue. Why should I wake up two hours early to head out into sub-zero temperatures and take on 90 minutes of shit I don't like doing to receive nothing for the efforts?
I didn't go to the gym today because of my mood and love for my couch therefore I don't have a picture for today either.
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